Which of the following is NOT an essential feature of Wilmot and Hockers definition of interpersonal conflict?
B. Independence
The Chinese character for crisis or conflict includes both
B. opportunity and danger
Which of the following is a potential benefit of conflict for interpersonal relationships?
A. Partners increase understanding of each other
According to the authors of your test, which of the following statements represents a positive approach to conflict?
D. Conflict serves the function of bringing problems to the table
Derek says "I don't like to lose arguments. The way i figure it, when you have disagreement, there can only be one winner" Derek's orientation for conflict is BEST described as
A. win-lose
Which of the following is NOT one of the four horsemen of deconstructive conflict?
D. Restlessness
Wilmot and Hocker discuss several benefits of improving your conflict management skills. Which of the following is one of those benefits?
E. C and D
People around you will benefit from your improved skills and you can improve your relationships
A spiral that moves only in one direction-upward and onward-is an example of which type of spiral?
D. Escalatory
Which of the following statements BEST describe an aggressive family system?
D. Have an audience present when you engage someone
The following statement by Justin about a conflict with his sister Shannon is an example of which of the conflict metaphors below? "The next time she says something about my lifestyle I'm likely to blow louder than a Mt. St. Helens eruption"
B. Conflict is an act of nature
Which of the following is generally true about research regarding gender differences in conflict?
D. Women are more likely to avoid conflict than men
Which of the following metaphors would your authors consider "transformative"?
D. Conflict is a dance
Which of the following statements is a commonly-held negative view of conflict?
E. all of the above
According to Wilmot and Hocker, the most common metaphor used to describe conflict is
A. Conflict is war
According to Wilmot and Hocker, which type of family is characterized by walking away from conflicts, never raising your choices, not telling anyone if there is a struggle, and keeping strong feelings to yourself?
D. Avoidant family
Steve and Bonnie disagree on how to spend the money they receive from their tax refund. Steven wants to take the family on a trip to Seattle and Bonnie wants to save it for a rainy day. What type of goal does this conflict interaction represent?
B. topic
The goals one has the outcomes of a conflict prior to actively engaging in it are called _______ goals
prospective
Typer is young, naturally gifted athlete. Unfortunately, his work ethic does not match his talent. When he complete a competition in sixth place rather than his expected first or second place, he spent a great deal of time and energy telling people how the judges were unfair and biased towards other athletes. Tyler is using which of the following face-saving strategies?
B. cleaning unjust intimidation
Relationship goals answer which of the below questions?
"who are we to each other"
transactive goals develop
A. during conflict episodes rather than before and after
Retrospective goals are the ones that
C. give us a sense of clarity of the implications of a conflict when we look back on it
Wilmot and Hocker summarize several different advantages of clarifying your goals in a conflict. Which of the following is NOT an advantage identified?
E. Figuring out the other goals helps you manipulate the situation so you can get what you really want
Which of the following statements is NOT one of the basic principles of relational interests and goals?
A. Identity issues do not typically affect relationship messages
Which of the following are considered to be the drivers of disputes?
B. Relationship; identity
If you work to reach your own goal while at the same time seek to please the other you are upholding which of the following items on the authors checklist for "good goals"?
D. Goals recognize interdependence
Conflict patterns that tend to mirror one another are called
D. Symmetrical
Which of the following is a disadvantage to using competition/dominating as a style for managing conflict?
E. All of these are disadvantages to using competition for managing conflicts
Conflict ______ are patterned responses or clusters of behavior that people use in conflict. Conflict _____ are individual moves that people make to carry out their general approach
E. Styles; tactics
All of the following are examples of verbal aggression EXCEPT for
C. requests for information
Nicole and Ryan disagree over where they should spend their holidays. Lately, each time Nicole tries to discuss the issue with Ryan, Ryan responds with a joke or changed the subject. According to Kilamann and Thomas, Ryan is using which style of conflict?
C. Avoidance
In a conflict situation, if you try to use your authority to make a decision in your favor, you are using which conflict style?
B. competition/dominating
You are more likely to compete rather than accommodate when you score high on which of the following?
A. Concern for self
Obliging may be linked to which of the following in which what one does, thinks or feels is dependent on what someone else does, thinks or feels?
D. Codependence
Rashid does not want to be the "authority figure" with his brother but after his brother keeps jumping on the couch he says "stop or you will not be able to go out to dinner with the family" Which of the following best describe the credibility of Rashids threat?
B. It is not credible because Rashid does not control the outcome of the negative sanction
Which of the following is NOT one of the patterns of violence described in the book?
B. Intimate violence is rarely reciprocal
Jake is always careful to arrive on time for work. He knows that his boss will dock his pay for any missed hours. Jakes boss uses what kind of power over him?
B. Resource control
Imagine you are looking for a new job. You know that your friend, Alicia, knows the Vice President of a company where you would like to work. How would the text describe Alicia's influence on you?
A. Interpersonal linkages
While preparing to teach an online course, Julie regularly seeks out the assistance of Tony, the technology support person at her university. Julie understand that Tony has vast knowledge regarding the software and course management system she needs to use. How would the text deserve Tonys power currency in this scenario?
C. Expertise
Which of the following is NOT one of the ways you might deny using power in a conflict
C. Deny that the other person communicated anything
The fundamental concept in conflict is
A. Power
Latisha appreciates the fact that she has been trained in the art of public address because she finds that in many situations she can employ her _____ as a power currency
D. communication skills
Which of the following is the most accurate statement about power currencies?
C. Developing a repertoire of currencies is a better base for sharing power
Which of the following is not one of the basic forms of conversation that are likely to help alter an imbalance of power?
D. Clarify what you heard
Which of the following states is NOT consistent with Wilmot and Hockers description of competitive power?
E. Competitive power does not have a place in constructive conflict
Kens parents died, his sister was named as the executor of their estate. She gave all the good furniture to her children and left the bad ones for ken and his kids. He was furious but decided to maintain his relationship with his sister. Kens decision is an example of which of the following moves that Lerner suggests that people in low power positions adopt?
C. Stay emotionally connected to significant others even when things get intense
Emotions are
B. states of feeling
Which of the following is NOT a principle of emotion in conflict?
C. Intensity of emotion rarely varies through the conflict process
"When you tease me in front of our friends, i feel embarrasses" is an example of:
D. an XYZ statement
Which of the following is NOT a misperceptions bout emotions
d. emotions can be managed
Which emotion has been termed the "moral" emotion?
A. Anger
Lori hosts Thanksgiving at her house each year. She assigned each person to bring a food or do a particular task this year instead of doing it all on her own. According to the text, Loris anger served one of many important functions
C: setting boundaries
Too little sadness can result in
B. Distorted emotional expression
When we feel extremely intense emotions during conflict we are usually experiencing a threat to which of the following elements of the TRIP acronym?
C. Identity
One important part of expressing anger in a responsible manner includes
E. all of these are helpful in responsibly expressing anger
year long divorce and custody dispute. Patrick started calling his soon to be ex wife terrible names in front of their children and her friends. In response, Becky called Particks employer and told them what a terrible person Patrick is. Events such as these went on for months. These behaviors wrecked the couples chance for collaboration because each person was operating on which part of the "Intensity continuum"?
C: Unrestrained conflict
According to the text, when it comes to managing conflict, most people:
Need to learn conflict skills
Which of the following is NOT an essential feature of Wilmot and Hocker's definition of interpersonal conflict?
Independence
Terry and Pat have been in a committed romantic relationship for the last five years. Both an increased intensity and frequency of conflict have characterized their relationship. Recently, both of them have become less invested in the relationship and have sought out others to fulfill some of their needs for affection, inclusion, and control. Basically, they don't rely on each other for much and have come to expect less and less from each other. Terry and Pat's choices reflect which of the five features that contribute to destructive conflict.
Avoidance spirals
4. Suki and Laura are best friends. Laura feels betrayed because Suki is so caught up in her new relationship with her boyfriend that she doesn't appear to have time for Laura. In this instance, the conflict is fueled by
Perceived scarce resources
5. A spiral that moves only in one direction - upward and onward - is an example of a(n) ______________ spiral.
Escalatory
6. Which of the following is a potential benefit of conflict for interpersonal relationships?
Partners increase understanding of each other.
7. According to your text, __________ criticize more than __________.
women/men
8. Wilmot and Hocker discuss several benefits of improving your conflict management skills. Which of the following is one of those benefits?
C & D. (People around you will benefit from your improved skills. You can improve your relationships).
9. If you are upset with your roommate, and you show it by playing your stereo loud enough to be annoying, the authors of your text would say you are demonstrating which of the following dimensions of conflict?
Expressed struggle
10. Most expressed struggles are activated by
a triggering event
1. Which of the following statements BEST describe an aggressive family?
Have an audience present when you engage someone
2. Which of the following statements is NOT a commonly-held negative view of conflict?
a good conflict is a nice conflict
3. The following statement by Justin about a conflict with his sister Shannon is an example of which of the conflict metaphors below? "The next time she says something about my lifestyle I'm likely to blow longer and louder than a Mt. St. Helen's eruption."
conflict is an act of nature
4. According to Wilmot and Hocker, the most common metaphor used to describe conflict is
conflict is a war
5. Metaphors that expand the potential in conflict are useful because they portray
a collaborative approach to conflict
6. Which of the communication cultures below is generally characterized by norms that favor competition, low or non-expressiveness, and communication used for concrete purposes?
native american culture
7. Which of the following terms reflects the notion that individuals learn male and female communication behaviors through observation of and communication with same-sex groups?
social learning theory
8. Since gender studies have found that women tend to compromise more than men in conflict situations, the book suggests that women try to utilize which communication behavior most often?
a wide range of communication behaviors
9. According to Wilmot and Hocker, which type of family is characterized by walking away from conflicts, never raising your voices, not telling anyone if there is a struggle, and keeping strong feelings to yourself?
avoidant family
10. According to the text, all of the following are neutral metaphors about conflict except:
conflict is a mess
2. Steve and Bonnie disagree on how to spend the money they receive from their tax refund. Steve wants to take the family on a trip to Seattle and Bonnie wants to save if for a rainy day. What type of goal does this conflict interaction represent?
Topic
3. The goals one has for the outcome of a conflict prior to actively engaging in it are called ____________ goals.
Prospective
4. A newlywed couple was having trouble resolving their disputes. The husband felt like he was trying to solve the problems, but his wife did not take him seriously during the discussions because she would do something else while they were talking--laundry, redecorating, etc. They decided that they would have a "meeting" to discuss issues when they arose. The meeting would be a time where they would shut out all distractions and discuss the situation until a solution arose. What is the paramount goal in this situation?
All the above
5. Which of the following are considered to be the "drivers" of disputes?
Relationship; Identity
6. Relationship goals refer to those that answer the question
Who are we to each other?
7. Which of the following statement is NOT one of the basic principles of relational interests and goals?
a. Identity issues do not typically affect relationship messages.
8. Tyler is a young, naturally gifted athlete. Unfortunately, his work ethic does not match his talent. When he completed a competition in 6th place rather than his expected first or second place, he spent a great deal of time and energy telling people how the judges were unfair and were biased toward other athletes. Tyler is using which of the following face-saving strategies?
b. Claiming unjust intimidation***
9. Which of the following is an inaccurate summary of the nature of overlapping TRIP goals?
c. In a serious dispute, content-only solutions are typically the most satisfying. ***
10. Transactive goals develop
a. during conflict episodes rather than before and after. ***
11. Jake is always careful to arrive on time for work. He knows that his boss will dock his pay for any missed hours. Jake's boss what kind of power over him?
b. Resource control***
12. Imagine you are looking for a new job. You know that your friend, Alicia, knows the Vice-president of a company where you would like to work. Your text would describe Alicia's influence on you as
a. Interpersonal linkages. ***
13. While preparing to teach an online course, Julie regularly seeks out the assistance of Tony, the technology support person at her university. Julie understands that Tony has vast knowledge regarding the software and course management system she needs to use. Your book would describe the "power currency" Tony has in this scenario as:
c. Expertise***
14. Which of the following is NOT one of the ways you might deny using power in a conflict?
c. Deny that the other person communicated anything. ***
15. Latisha appreciates the fact that she as been trained in the art of public address because she finds that in many situation she can employ her ____________ as a power currency.
d. Communication skills***
16. The fundamental concept in conflict is
a. power. ***
17. Which of the following is the most accurate statement about power currencies?
c. Developing a repertoire of currencies can help lead to the sharing and balance of power. ***
18. Empowerment is most likely when
a. Communication behaviors are ineffective combined with excessive expressions of interpersonal power.***
19. Which of the following statements is NOT consistent with Wilmot and Hocker's description of competitive power?
d. Competitive power is appropriate when protecting children. ***
20. When Ken's parents died, his sister was named as the executor of their estate. She gave all of the "good" furniture to her children and left only an old green dresser for Ken and his kids. He was furious with her actions, especially in this time of grief. Even though Ken could be considered to have lower power, he decided to maintain his relationship with his sister and encouraged his kids not to bring up the issues with their cousins. Ken's decision is an example of which of the following moves that Lerner suggests that people in low-power positions adopt:
c. Stay emotionally connected to significant others even when things get intense. ***
1. A professor that consistently double books appointments with someone she does not want to deal with may be engaging in:
e. avoidance behavior. ***
2. Conflict ________________ are patterned responses or clusters of behavior that people use in conflict. Conflict ______________ are individual moves that people make to carry out their general approach.
e. styles; tactics***
3. You are more likely to compete than accommodate when you score high on which of the following?
a) concern for self***
4. Kilmann and Thomas identified 5 conflict styles that individuals use in a variety of conflict situations. The number 3 in the above grid corresponds with which of the following styles?
d. compromise***
5. Kilmann and Thomas identified 5 conflict styles that individuals use in a variety of conflict situations. The number 5 in the above grid corresponds with which of the following styles?
collaboration
6. In a conflict situation, if you try to use your authority to make a decision in your favor, you are using which conflict style?
competition
7. All of the following are examples of verbal aggression except:
c. requests for information***
8. Dave is extremely frustrated with his co-workers; conflict is occurring everywhere, and he doesn't feel like he is valued in his job. He starts thinking to himself he should look for a new job. When one of his co-workers asks him about an upcoming work event, Dave says, "I don't really have time to work on this. It's not like I'll be here anyway," Dave is using which "accommodation tactic?"
b. Disengagement***
9. Which of the following is good advice for managing verbal and/or physical abuse:
e. All of the above are good strategies. ***
10. Nicole and Ryan disagree over where they should spend their holidays. Lately, each time Nicole tries to discuss the issue with Ryan, Ryan responds with a joke or changes the subject. Ryan is using which style of conflict, identified by Kilmann and Thomas in your text?
avoidance
1. Emotions are:
b. neither "good" or "bad;" they just "are" ***
2. Self-protective emotions are associated with:
a. The right hemisphere of the brain***
3. Prosocial emotions are associated with:
c. The left hemisphere of the brain
4. Which of the following is NOT a misperception about emotions:
d. Emotions can be managed***
5. Lori traditionally hosts Thanksgiving at her house for 10-15 of her relatives. Rarely do any of the guests help out with dinner, clean up dishes, or even say "Thank you." This has been going on for so long that she resents hosting the dinner at all. So...this year she assigned each person to bring a food or do a particular task. A few guests opted out, but the remainder came to dinner, and everyone (including Lori) had a good time. According to your text, Lori's anger served one of many important functions:
c. Setting boundaries***
6. Which emotion has been termed the "moral" emotion?
a. Anger***
7. __________ are more likely than __________ to cover up anger.
b. Women/men***
8. __________ are more likely than __________ to cover up sadness.
a. Men/women***
9. Too little sadness can result in:
b. Distorted emotional expression***
10. When we feel extremely intense emotions during conflict, we are usually experiencing a threat to which of the following elements of the TRIP acronym?
c. Identity***
Hooker and wilmots definition of interpersonal conflict
An expressed struggle between at least two individuals who are interdependent and perceive scarce resources incompatible values and goal interference
Metaphors showing it is struggle
Natural disasters animalistic and military
Characteristics of an argue meant
Loud, faster speaking, wild gestures, personal criticism, high degree of sarcasm, high degree of disagreement, obscenities (gestures and obscenity don't differ from conversation)
Benoit and Benoit
Keep a diary of every argument, most with close relationships, only with similar power status
How do conflicts end?
10% resolution, some apologies, most walking away, leads to repeating arguments with same people
How long do conflicts last
Only last 3 minutes but feels like 20, only remembering works ones and mulling on what should have been said after it was over
Vouchinich
Family quarrels during supper
Vouchinich 4 stages
1. Provocative action usually let go
2.challenge to the behavior
3. Other person resists defies 2/3 of the time
4. Choose to follow up
Length of arguments
2 speaking terms or 14 speaking turns
who gets involved in family quarrels?
Parents v kids with kids provoking. Same sex fight more often
How do family quarrels end?
2/3 no resolution, otherwise one party capitulates, compromises or walks out
What keeps arguments short?
Fear of physical aggression, could hurt the relationship and say something unforgivable, incompatible with what you're doing, someone else intervenes
Topics for serial arguments
Violated expectations, violated values, habits, in marriage (money children in laws)
Patterns in serial arguments
Mutual hostility, demand withdrawal, becomes scripted
Gender difference in serial arguments
Men hate serial arguing, women feel optimistic about possibility of change. Person who initiates is more optimistic
Coping devices for serial arguing
Optimistic comparison, other relationships are worse than ukurs
Arguments and health
Poor for health, increase cortisol levels, increased blood pressure and reduces immune response, finger takes longer to heal and we get more sick
How to protect health
Selective ignoring, flush it from your mind. Optimistic comparison alone won't work
Complaining- expressed dissatisfaction
Mostly behavior, then personality, lack of action, complaining, appearance
Nagging definitin
Repeated requests so person will do what you want
Nagging is effective?
No, it's a form of failed influence. Strengthens resolve. Men who were sick took worse care of themselves when nagged, women smoked more. Have to be able to view it as help not as control technique
Of things that annoy you about partner why haven't you told them about
Wasn't important enough, relationship wasn't intimate enough to, afraid of reaction and being hit, afraid of being dumped, don't want to hurt them, don't want to give themselves a bad image, time wasn't right
Silent treatment
Form of punishment, given by neurotic and mind reading do want facilitate anything
Denying support
Study of married couples complaining about work
Denying sex
25% involuntarily celibate
Hidden agenda
He doesn't really love me, she doesn't respect me. Difficult to resolve
Partners jealous
Women tend to do it more as a secret test, punish partner for something they did, improve treatment or revenge
Jealousy rechniques
Exaggerate attractiveness of others, openly flirt, talk about exes, send flowers distance yourself from partner, tell others you are interested in someone else
Effectiveness of jealousy
Partner breaks up gets aggressive or changes. Overall non effective
Teasing
Women react worse to being teased, men get teased about unusual personal habits, sexual abnormalities, lack of athleticism
Trying not to get involved, hate about best friends partner?
Afraid to end friendship, non of my business, would intervene if problem got much worse or friend mentioned it to uku
Who intervenes in family disputes?
Mom tries to find compromise, sister tries to change subject, dad shouts, brother leaves
Relational turbulence model
Behavior and goal fulfillment are connected, facilitation is being with partner facilitates achieving personal goals, influence is adapter decisions to accommodate partner, interference is prevent from accomplishing goals
False consensus effect
Everyone believes their own behavior is majority jormal
defensive attribution bias
Side with one I best identifying with in conflict
Sentiment override bias
Interpretation is clouded by feelings toward them at the time (good or bad)
Egocentric bias
Each one thinks they've done more work than the other
Reasons for egocentric bias
Don't want to admit it, selective recall (remembering what we did), selective attention(not looking for what they did), owness bias
Role biases in attack
Initiator feels like this has been going on for a long time. Person attacked more likely to feel that it got resolved.
Cause of conflict
Scarce resources (money/time), incompatible values (gender role modern) l, goal interference both behavioral and attribution all (disagree about why goals are interrupted)
Passive style
Silent, compliant, indirect, apologize, don't say no, we like passive because they do what we want
Passive agressive
Silent treatment, pout and sulk, procrastination, manipulative
Aggressive
Threatening, insulting, question others competency, raised in verbally aggressive homes, don't have persuasive reasoning, believe others are at fault
Assertive
Speaks their mind, thought there used to be too many passive people, but it's really seen as insensitive, empathetic assertiveness is best. Assertive people like assertive people.
Power blood and wolf
Interviewed 1969s spouses. Power comes from amount of dependency on partner relative income and relative education. Principle of least interety
Scanzoni 4 types of marriage
Wife as property, wife as complementary partner, wife as junior partner, wife as equal partner
Blood and wolf criticisms
Money has discounting factors, making decisions is effort full, power can come from different sources (eg number of good alternatives in dating), emotional dependence on marriage, power in gay and lesbian couples, too much emphasis on decision making power (have power to veto but if respected you don't care that you didn't decide), stereotypical masculine decisions
Education and working on who wjns
Person who is working wins greater percentage, if both than man wins 60%. More education generally increases women's power and decreases mans power
Macro discounting factors
Cultural level regardless of earning potential, each generation is less conservative, economy if men have more access to money
Micro discounting factors
Wife is in love with husband then money empowers her, less attractive women get more power from money, greatest power when her money spent on necessities
Power strategies for men
Coercion, authority, expertise, information
Power strategies for women
Personal rewards, sexuality, helplessness
Power strategies
Men won't use feminine power bases but women will use masciljne
Falbo and peplau 4 power strategies to get what you want
Bilateral direct
Bilateral indirect
Unilateral indirect
Unilateral direct
Best relationships use bilateral direct
Bilateral direct
Reasoning bargaining persistence talking persuasive appeals
Bilateral indirect
Hinting, positive affect
Unilateral indirect
Laisseze faire, negative affect, silent treatment
Unilateral direct
Stating importance, telling, asking
Belk and snell how to resist partners influence?
Begrudging compliance, avoidant strategy, negotiation, outright rejection.
Unbalanced power used avoidant or rejection
Banduras social learning theory
People learn to be aggressive by seeing models
Origins for aggression
Family, peer groups, self, symbolic
Instigator for aggressuon
Verbal, physical, presence of other physically aggressive models, rewards, authority approval, hearing voices
Reinforcement for aggression
External, vicarious (see others reinforced), self
Big criticism for banduras aggression model
Some people are born with propensity for violence
Berkowitz
Frustration aggression hypothesis obstacles get in way of goal and make us frustrated
If anger > fear we become aggressive
Factors Berkowitz found to increase anger
How many times recently, more towards inanimate, size up power, weapons effect, labeling effect, higher temp, displaced aggression, alcohol
Road rage indicators
Wild driving, muttering, yelling insults, obscene geastures, speeding up to catch someone, tailgating, break checking
Road ragers
Have high need for control, constant time pressure, others block their progress, young men expensive car
Gender differences aggresion
Women say loss of self control- anxious high need women, men look for fair fight
Homicide ratw
5 per 100k
Almost all murders are men, mostly men are murdered, mostly young
Causes/methods of killing
69% firearms, rest knife, 41% during argument, 36% unsolved
Luckabill study of California murders
Weekend nights, public, victim had prior relationshi
Luckabills sequence
1. Victim does something insulting to murderer
2. Murder takes it offense personally
3. Murderer takes action mostly telling to stop some killing then
4. Victim 40% doesn't stop, 30% insults again, 30% assaults
5. Kills
6.
Aftermath murder usually flees sometimes stays reeled forced to stay
Bystanders
More likely to help murderer
felson theory of restore face
One party is attacking image of another and but we don't strike back when it is accurate, can explain it away, other people usually goad you but can sometimes talk you fown
Felsons progression
1. Rule violation
2. Victim tells murder to stop
3. Insults exchanged
4. Murder doesn't stop
5. Explanation of position
6. Threats
7. Murder
Unlike by victims rights groups
Code of honor study
Code of honor defended (south and west) superficial politeness to prevent code of honor form breaking
5 key parts of conflict
1. Expressed struggle
2. Perceived incompatible goals
3. Perceived scarce resources
4. Interdependence
5. Interference
David Hueg's research on pregnant mothers and fetuses
-Genes in mother may oppose genes expressed in fetus
-long history of evolutionary co-adaptations where fetal
actions are opposed by maternal co-actions and vice-versa
-conflict is everywhere
Functional Conflict
conflict that supports the goals of the relationship and improves its performance
Dysfunctional Conflict
conflict that hinders performance
4 Types of conflict
1. Unreal
2. Real
3. Competitive
4. Interpersonal Violence
Signs of Gridlocked conflict
-feeling unproductive and hurt during conflict with another
-communication becomes negative over time
The "Four Horseman"
1. Criticizing
2. Defensiveness
3. Stonewalling
4. Contempt
"Conflict Spiral"
Conflict emerges and grows due to passive aggression and negative communication styles that ultimately "spiral" into more intense conflict
The "Dance of Intimacy"
One partner initiates conversation while the other is resistant to communicate and avoids discussion of issues (usually in intimate relationships)
Objective conflict
-consist of actual conflicts in 'resources' that could be recognized by observers
-ie. genetic interests, territory, mates, etc.
Subjective conflict
-more due to perceptual differences and often more due to the different "lenses" people have
The "lens model' of conflict, and common filters people apply in conflict
-conflict is always viewed by the participants through lenses
-lens gives each person a particular perspective
-there are multiple views in conflict but each one seems 'real' to the person seeing it
-each person has a (different) view of:
-oneself
-the other
-the relationship
Attribution theory
-attribution
theory: a description of the way people explain the causes of their own and
other people's behavior
-dichotomy of explanations: internal vs. external attributions
-attribution process: people over-attribute responsibility to the other person and
underestimate the effects of self in contributing to the conflict
-a related assumption is that complexity of though decreases with higher levels of
stress
The fundamental attribution error, and the three explanations of why it happens
-the tendency to overestimate the extent to which a persons behaviors is due to
internal, dispositional factors and to underestimate the role of situational factors
-actor/observer difference: the greater tendency to commit the fundamental attribution
error when explaining someone elses behaviors
-three causes for actor/observer difference:
-figure/ground perception: perceptual
salience--actor focuses more on the
situation while observers focus more on the actors
-informational basis: actor has more information about themselves across
different situations but may see the other person in a limited number of
situations
-self serving attributions: maintain ones self esteem and view of a 'just world'
for possible uncontrollable negative events
Three dimensions of attribution
-Global
v. Specific
-I'm no good (global)
-I'm no good at math (specific)
-Stable v. Unstable
-I've always been uncoordinated (stable)
-I just wasn't paying attention (unstable)
-Internal vs. External
-I'm terrible at multiple choice tests (internal)
-Those questions were very tricky (external)
The 'optimistic' and 'pessimistic' styles of attribution
-optimistic: external, unstable,
specific
-pessimistic: internal, stable, global
The definition of 'stress', the effects of stress, the different types of stress
-definition: the physical, cognitive, and emotional experience/state of threat that occurs
when we are confronted by situations that require change/action
-aroused physiological response that is measurable
-perceived as aversive (you would turn down if you could)
-organism does not feel in control of stressor
The physiology of stress including allostasis, sympathetic vs. parasympathetic systems, and General
-allostasis: different circumstances require different homeostatic setpoints,
maintaining balance therefore requires many regulatory changes in body
-homeostasis: body has ideal oxygen, acidity, temp, and glucose level
-effects of stress on body depend on
length of stress, your body, and the
skills you have to deal with stress
-the stress response: your body's attempt to restore balance
-sympathetic v. parasympathetic
-general
Adaptation Syndrome
-your body's pattern of stress resistance during a stressful situation
-allostatic load causes wear and tear on the body
-alarm-stage of resistance-exhaustion
The three major types of "systems" the authors discuss, and their basic characteristics
-avoidant systems
-conflict doesn't exist, or if it does, don't recognize it
-try to deal with conflict by yourself
-don't raise voice
-snide comments OK
-sulking and silent treatment
-dont express strong feelings
-dont address feelings expressed by others
-collaborative systems
-meet to discuss issues
-talk openly, deal
with directly
-listen carefully to what others express
-help to resolve others conflicts
-make a point of having frequent interaction
-strong feelings are normal/allowed
-aggressive systems
-survival of the fittest
-be brutally honest and convey strong emotions even if it hurts others
-establish your position early
-have audience when addressing conflicts
-when attacked you must fight back
-people who don't engage are weak
The misconceptions about conflict that Wilmot and Hocker debunk
-harmony is normal and conflict is abnormal
-conflict constitutes a breakdown of communication
-communication and disagreements are the same thing
-conflict is a result of personal pathology
-conflict should never be escalated
-conflict interaction should be polite and orderly
-anger is the only emotion in conflict interaction
"Conflict metaphors"
-trying to make sense of disturbing, difficult experience of conflict by comparing
one's current experience to something we understand
-creates a compact, vivid, shorthand description of a complicated process
-creates perception of what can happen, what will happen, what should happen,
and the feelings it creates
Assumptions about Conflict
Negative
Personal/Private
Fascinating
Definition of Conflict
the interaction of interdependent people who perceive incompatible goals and interference from each other in achieving those goals
The 3 "I"s of Conflict
Incompatible Goals
Interaction
Interdependency
Positive FUNCTIONS of Conflict
Improves relationships
Nourishes individual and social change
Reconciles interests
Fosters group unity
Creates informed individuals
Enhances creative thinking
Folger, Poole, and Stutman's Model of Conflict Management
(2 components)
1) Differentiation
2) Integration
Definition of Differentiation
Discovering and focusing on differences between goals, aspirations, and interpretations of two or more parties
Advantages of Differentiation
Correct misinterpretations
Understand other's position
(De)personalize issues
Discover other's strengths
Examples of Destructive Differentiation
Crying
Temper Tantrums
Yelling
EGOCENTRISM: anytime you question another's reality because they are different from you
Productive Differentiation
Dialogue:
1. Active Listening
2. Statement of Needs
Active Listening
Clarifying
questions
Paraphrasing
Empathizing
Checking in
Phases of Conflict
1. Latent: Groundwork
2. Perceived: One or more notices
3. Felt: Personalize it
4. Manifest: Interaction
5. Aftermath: Effects
Sources of Conflict
(content issues)
1. Role Conflict
2. Value and Goal Differences
3. Competition for
Resources
Role Conflict
-Intrarole
-Interrole
-Interpersonal Role
Intrarole conflict
be good at one specific role
Ex: how to be the best girlfriend
Interrole conflict
clash between 2 or more roles
Ex: how do I be a girlfriend and a
daughter
Interpersonal role conflict
2 or more in same role
Ex: mom and stepmom compete with one another for their role
Conflict Styles
1. Avoid: run, hide, skirt
2. Accomodate: give, go along with
3. Compromise: share positives and negatives
4. Compete: take
5. Collaborate: both gain
Axioms of Communication
(Watzlawick, Beavin, & Jackson, 1967)
One cannot not communicate
-every action, inaction, or silence can have meaning (even if unintentionally so)
-Implication: we act according to our assumptions
Dual-Level Messages
-Content Level: information about task or function
-Relational Level: information about association between parties
-Implication: most conflict transpires through relational
level messages
Factors that Affect Conflict Processes/Dynamics
(Putnam & Poole)
-Relationship
-Individual Differences
-Issue
-Context
Four Communicative Properties of Conflict
(Folger, Poole, & Stutman)
1. Conflict is created and sustained by the moves and countermoves of participants.
2. Patterns of
behavior in conflicts tend to perpetuate themselves.
3. Conflict is shaped by the context/climate in which it occurs.
4. Conflict is influenced by and, in turn, affects relationships.
Rosenberg's Non-violent Communication Model
1. Observe, Don't Judge (separate observation from evaluation)
2. Identify Feelings (distinguish feelings from thoughts)
3. Identify Needs
4. Make or Acknowledge Request
Ex:
"Felix, when I see two balls of soiled socks under the coffee table and another three next to the TV, I feel irritated because I am needing more order in the rooms that we share in common."
Then, "Would you be willing to put your socks in your room or in the washing machine?"
Two parts:
-express honestly
-receive empathetically
Why study conflict?
According to Wilmot & Hocker
Conflict happens, so we had best prepare for it.
Intrapersonal conflict
According to Wilmot & Hocker
internal strain that creates a state of ambivalence, conflicting dialogue, or lack of resolution in one's thinking and feeling
Interdependence
According to Wilmot & Hocker
Conflict Parties engage in Expressed Struggle and interfere with one another because they are Interdependent.
Perceived Incompatible Goals
According to Wilmot & Hocker
People "fight" over goals that are important to them
Parties either want
1) the same thing
2) different things
Perceived Scarce Resources
According to Wilmot & Hocker
Resource: "any positively perceived physical, economic or social consequence"
Ex: close friends often think that if their best friend begins to like someone else too, then the supply of affection available to the original friend will diminish
In interpersonal struggles, two resources often perceived as scarce:
According to Wilmot & Hocker
Power and Self-Esteem
Interference
According
to Wilmot & Hocker
-Perception of interference
-Presence of another person interferes with desired actions
-person doing the blocking is perceived as the problem
Individual brains -> individual differences -> conflict
Dominant information-processing lobes
-Abstract vs. Detail focus
Neurological Disorders
-Depression, Bi-Polar, ADD, ADHD
Drugs and Alcohol
Parts of Brain
Corpus Callosum: transfers info between hemispheres
Left brain: logic, verbal, linear, literal
-guides us to take things literally
Right brain: creativity, images, insight, emotion
-helps us to think outside the box, reframe
Mandalas
-Meaningful or meaningless elements combined within
a circle
-used for meditation and/or reminder of higher power
-outsmarting the left brain, allowing for the right brain to take over
Examples:
-rose windows in cathedrals
-kaleidoscopes
-sand mandalas created by Buddhist monks
As you focus on the mandala, the images begin to shift, your brain relaxes, increasing slow, alpha waves
BioFeedback
-mind-over-body process to help you relax
physically
-tune into heartbeat, breathing
-managing anxiety
-quieting mind and body
-deep breathing and relaxation techniques
Guided Imagery
-intentionally evoking vivid scenes and intense sensory stimuli
-use power of suggestion
Integrate:
-familiar and unfamiliar
-conscious and subconscious
-present, past and future
Other-hand Writing
-body controlled by opposite side of brain
-left hand corresponds to right brain
-often artistic people are left-handed
-right-handed people more often stimulate left-brain
-gain perspective of less-used portion of brain
Sensory Stimulation
-transitional objects (blankey, teddy bear) transport in time
-aromatherapy
-massage
-chocolate
-change
body chemistry
Fantasy
-imagining unrealistic or exaggerated scenarios
-pretending
-coping mechanism: remove from present situation
Ex: imagining self as more skillful or creative or as someone else (a role model) who could handle the situation better
Dreams
-letters from unconscious
-reveal emotions, desires,
solutions
-when practiced, can manage content and plot
Free Association
-whatever comes to mind
-daydreaming
-can be prompted by words, actions
We do this during conflict without realizing it! We tie what is going on in the present with past interactions/memories.
Affirmations
-positive statements that reinforce
what you want to think/believe
-become self-fulfilling prophecies
"I can handle this."
Arenas for Conflict
(Folger, Poole, & Stutman)
-Interpersonal (husband and wife, siblings, friends, roommates)
-Within small groups (families, work groups, classes, clubs)
-Intergroup settings (representatives of gender, ethnic,or cultural groups)
Productive
Conflict Interaction
(Folger, Poole, & Stutman)
-flexible approaches
-believe mutually acceptable solution can be developed
-sometimes competitive
Destructive Conflict Interaction
(Folger, Poole, & Stutman)
-inflexible behavior
-attempts to defeat other party
Judgments about Conflict Outcomes
(Folger,
Poole, & Stutman)
-gains and losses
-level of satisfaction
-procedural justice
-distributive justice
Factors influencing Conflict Interaction
(Folger, Poole, & Stutman)
-power
-face-saving
-climate
-conflict strategies and tactics
Integration
(Folger, Poole, & Stutman)
-parties begin to acknowledge common ground, move toward a solution
To manage the transition of differentiation -> integration:
-parties must express their positions fully
-believe that they cannot get what they want by forcing the other or by avoiding conflict altogether
-parties must synchronize their cooperative initiatives
Destructive Differentiation
(Folger, Poole, & Stutman)
1)Escalation (infuriating parties)
2)Avoidance (terrifying parties)
Property 1: Conflict interaction is constituted and sustained by moves and countermoves in interaction.
-conflict exists not because of differences between parties, but because of the actions parties take in responding to their differences
-underscores the importance of power in interpersonal conflicts
Property 2: Patterns of behavior in conflicts tend to perpetuate themselves.
Self-reinforcing cycles of conflict caused by:
-desire to appear consistent to others
-the interpersonal reflex
-escalating commitment
-predictions about others' responses
-creating self-fulfilling prophecies
gives conflict momentum
Property 3: Conflict interaction is shaped by the global climate of the situation.
Climates: composed of generalized beliefs about the situation
-produced and sustained by the interaction among the parties to the conflict and by other important actors in the situation
Property 4: Conflict interaction is influenced by and in turn affects relationships.
-depends on prior relationships
-Face: the image a person wants to present
to others
-efforts to create and sustain positive face, to save face in response to perceived attacks
Power
(Folger, Poole, & Stutman)
-the ability to influence or control events
-Social Power stems from relationships among people
-any resource serving as a basis for power is only effective because others endorse this resource
-the effectiveness of any resource is always negotiated in the
interaction
Four Modes of Power
(Folger, Poole, & Stutman)
1) Direct (employs resources to compel others to comply)
2) Direct and virtual (implies the potential use of direct power, but does not actually put the resources into play)
-threats and promises
3) Indirect (use resources to influence interaction, but do not make the use of power explicit)
-relational control
4) Hidden
(frames or limits the discussion of issues behind the scenes
-issue control
Endorsement of Power
(Folger, Poole, & Stutman)
Negotiated in interaction
Four factors:
1) social categorization
2) the mystique of power
3)values attached to certain resources
4) the degree to which resources are used skillfully
Basic Human Needs according to Rosenberg
Autonomy
Celebration
Integrity
Interdependence
Play
Spiritual Communion
Physical Nurturance
A spiral that goes up
Escalatory Spiral
What is conflict
An expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from others in achieving their goals.
Saving Face
When a person knows they are wrong but continue with the argument.
Difference in which men and women engage in conflict
Women - Emotional & like conflict less than men
Interpersonal conflict advantage in relationships
A greater understanding
What is needed to deal with conflict according to Hocker & Wilmot
Better Skills
If the family value is that you don't fight and you don't argue, what type is it
Avoidant Style
Metaphors
Help Collaborate
What is true about conflict goals
Need to be defined by changing behavior
Most metaphors in U.S. are ___.
Win/Lose
Conflict interaction type when couples disagree on how money is spent.
Topic
Interdependence
Trying to reach your goal and helping others reach their goal
What is a good goal
A win/win goal
Advantage of clear goals
Help parties know when a goal has been accomplished
Collaborative (good) Goals
1. Short, medium, & long-term range issues are addressed
2. Goals are behaviorally specific
3. Statements orient toward the present & future
4. Goals recognize interdependence
5. Collaborative goals recognize an ongoing process
Denial of Power
1. Deny that you communicated something
2. Deny that something was communicated
3. Deny that you
communicated something to the other person
4. Deny that the situation even existed
Currency of Expertise
Special skills or knowledge someone else values
Who has the power
Social Relationships
Type of currency in which information is provided in a clear way
Communication skills
Type of currency when looking for a job & want friend to put in a good word
Interpersonal Linkage
Balancing power in conflict
1. Dialogue
2. Restraint
3. Focus on Interdependence
4. The power of calm persistence
5. Stay actively engaged
When communicating during conflict
Use "I" Statement Communication
Conflict Styles
Patterned responses, or clusters of behavior, that people use in conflict.
A spiral that goes up
Escalatory Spiral
Define Emotions
States of feeling. Designed by evolution to more through the body. Feel them, change, & transform.
Finding Feelings
A cluster if "feeling words" that help us express what we are feeling.
**6 Principles of Emotions in Conflict
1.)Triggering events often emotional (sets off someone in conflict)
2.) Intensity
varies
3.)Self-protective (right hemisphere) & prosocial emotions (left hemisphere (preserving relationship & cooperating)
4.)People evaluate emotions; experience something good/bad
5.) Something is at stake (relational or identical issue)
6.) Emotions & defining relationship (emotions help define relationship; can express & can't express)
Misconceptions of Emotion in Conflict
-emotions
are irrational
-emotions can't be controlled & will escalate if expressed or released
-one should ignore emotions to resolve conflict well
-emotions hinder good decision making
-emotions are for the powerless (women, children, etc.)
-emotions are not to be expressed
Functions of Emotion
1.) Hurt
2.) Sadness
3.) Shame, Guilt, Regret
4.) Anger
5.) Fear & Anxiety
6.) Fear
& Anger
Function of Hurt
-result from some sort of psychological injury because, there has been a relational transgression (says someone's broken a rule)
-leads to someone to look for cause & seeks to address relational rupture
Function of Sadness
-may create bridge of empathy to other person
-can increase social
bonds
-slows people down
-communicates existence of trouble
-tends to lead to cognitive reappraisal
Function of Shame
-encourages social cohesion
-don't shame people to get to cohesion
Function of Guilt
-leads people to seek amends
-Hocker & Wilmot 12 steps
Function of Regret
-can push people to act
Functions of Negative Emotions
Anger (emotion) & Aggression (action)
Functions of Anger
-experience with unfairness or unjust
-can help people set boundaries
-can motivate/energize people
-is the "moral emotion"
-leads us to do things we
regret down the road
Fear & Anxiety
1.) Fear results when ones integrity is threatened
2.) Threats to well-being
3.) Threats to position or role we value
1.) Anxiety: fear about what could happen
Sadness & Depression
-influence conflict resolution
-sadness not always neg.(mourning, grief; strengthen social
bonds)
-unpleasant so moved to find resolution
-slows person down
-adaptive, can create bridge of empathy
-sadness create anger which turns to depression after a long time
**Value of positive emotion in conflict resolution
-broaden individuals
-mindset "broaden & build"
-more likely to think creatively (interest, joy, love, altruism, hope, sympathy, & empathy)
-more likely to gain
in on ideas, remain flexible, remain open to information
-communicate these feelings people are motivated with you (happiness, serenity, contentment)
-lead to sympathy and empathy
Work in the mid-range
conflicts worked out in the level of intensity are more effectively resolved than those that are left unexpressed or handled with unrestrained emotion.
Warrior of the heart
-draw on metaphors
-manage emotions to avoid raw feelings
-conflict is a dance or like martial arts, and is like stepping along an unfamiliar path
Express anger responsibly
...
Use x, y, z formula
-way to express emotions
-when you do x, in situation y, I feel
z
-when you interrupt me on the phone I feel hassled or belittled
-assists with conflict management because
1.) clarifies issue of concern for recipient of anger
2.) helps recipient reduce defensiveness & respond appropriately
3.) encourages sender to take responsibility of own emotions
Guidelines for receiving anger
(other book)
Actively listen to emotional communication
Telling someone to not feel a certain way is an injunction that may increase, not decrease the emotion. You don't have to agree with feelings just listen respectively.
Protect yourself from verbal abuse
-when others get out of control you need to do this
-say you can't hear anything important when other person is being demeaning
-never
argue with someone using verbal abuse
Use fractionation
-idea developed by Follet and later called fractionation by Fisher
-reduces intensity of emotion in conflicts by focusing tension on the sizing disputes
-break down from big mass into smaller masses= more manageable
Use positive language to work with strong emotion
-help
broaden their thinking, reflect, and build on integrative ideas.
-each person acknowledges he/she contributes something to the problem, rather than blaming the other person
-use "we" language involve people in decisions that affect them and show respect when asking opinions of other people
Personal Responsibility for emotional transformation
-peacemaking is a crucial stress mechanism for people
-post
conflict anxiety and reconciliation may function as part of the human homeostatic mechanism, which regulates and stabilizes relationships between former opponents
-change is in your interior
-work on actions instead of reactions
Definition of forgiveness
"forgiveness is giving up the idea of a better past"
What's to forgive?
-relation
harm or transgressions (someone has broken relational rule)
-hurtful messages (accusations, threats)
-disagreements about $, alcohol, drug use, time spent w/ other ppl, healthcare decisions
-deception
-betrayal
-disconfirmation
-aggression (physical/verbal)
Misconceptions about forgiveness
-forgiveness dismisses or minimizes an event
-forgiveness is indifferent to justice (forgive but
still hold person accountable)
-forgiveness is a sign of weakness (strong women in murder clip)
-forgiveness can be granted on behalf of someone else
-forgiveness & reconciliation are the same thing
Dealing with imbalance of power
-distinction between forgiveness & reconciliation is crucial when there is a serious power imbalance between 2 parties or an individual & a
situation
-expectation can be used to preserve the power of imbalance
Memory & forgiveness
-memory is essential to the forgiveness process because it is central to the identity of individuals, peoples, & nations.
-it may reduce the susceptibility to repeated injury in the future.
-memories should not be used to justify more harm, for this creates a circle from which no one may
escape.
Decision or process?
an element of forgiveness enters almost every forgiveness process & a kind of process figures in every decision. this is true even if the process only seems to contain 2 steps of grieving the original injury or transgression & letting go
-clients decide to not be victims of their emotions & move forward
**Process over
decision
(should we know the definition of each of these?)
3 step model of forgiveness that makes logical sense
1.) injured innocence
2.) obsession
3.) transcendence
Getting stuck
-eddie: area where it is safe to pull over
-stuck for long time person may cycle in an eddy until they get even
-person may even drop out or disengage before it is
completed
Personal dimensions of forgiveness
-forgiveness is giving up the idea of a better past
Interpersonal dimensions of forgiveness
-can be seen as the decision to reduce negative thoughts, affect, and behavior, such as blame, anger, toward an offender or hurtful situation and to begin to gain better understanding of the offense or offender
Gestures
may indicate that the process of forgiveness is underway or may have been completed in an implicit way ex.) kissing in a relationship
char. of an apology
1.) that there is essential agreement as to the nature of the violation
2.) that the other person acknowledges the hurt & pain that the
violation caused
3.) that the offending person will make an apology for the hurt and pain that the violation caused
Suspect apologies
three forms:
1.) expedient: private, benefits who offers the apology/provides little or no benefit to the person who's harmed
2.) compelled: empty because it is offered w/o a an adequate understanding of the full effect of ones actions ex.) coworker forced
3.) delayed
or surrogate: someone far removed from wrongdoing accepts responsibility for the harm & offers an apology on behalf of no longer people present
Good apologies
1.) acknowledgment of harm without accompanying justification
2.) acceptance rather than deflection of responsibility
3.) sincere expression of regret or remorse
4.) reparation in some form
5.) assurance of safety the sake of future
relationships
6.) reaffirmation or clarification of shared values so that both parties will understand the terms of any future relationship
7.) In rare cases an apology may require an explanation if it is requested by the injured party
Forgiving self
reconcile 2 different images of ourself:
1.) person we think we are (would like to be); may resist the trith about the part of ourselves that told the lie,
disregarded his parents, or betrayal of friend
2.) person who caused someone harm
-yes I am both of these people
Receiving Forgiveness
-shift attention away from ourselves, away from fear of retribution or out own feelings of guilt
-no longer focus exclusively on the harm we caused
-look beyond what we did and how the actions affected another person
-must wait for forgiveness to come form the
person who was harmed
Reconciliation
the process of repairing a relationships so that reengagement, trust, & cooperation become possible after transgression or violation
-strand of truth
-strand of forbearance
-strand of empathy
-strand of commitment
Strand of truth
-having own's own truth denied is a big
obstacle to forgiving another person
-truth needs to be recognized; people need to be able to acknowledge & communicate about what happened
-dialogue is an important part of this process
Strand of forbearance
-involves restraint
-"to forebear means to refrain revenge or punishment after someone has hurt or transgressed us
-not ignoring or abandoning but channeling strong emotions
-needing a
break from another person
Strand of empathy
-developing empathy for the offender important to reconciliation
-can be simple --> acknowledge they're human they're human
-does not require that one embrace one's victimizer
-does help us to see both the victimizer can suffer as the result of a crime or wrong doing --> haven't forgiven self
Strand of commitment
-recognizing interdependence & making agreement to work together to resolve things
-today people more interdependence than realized
Sprial
Upward in increase
Interpersonal conflict
Conflict is an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals
Saving face
Continue conflict
Conflict females
Less conflict and more emotional
Conflict interpersonal advantage
Relationships greater understanding of issues
Hocker & wilmot engagement of understanding
Skills
Avoidance no trust
Family values
Metaphors
Help cooperate ideas
Conflict goals
Observing behavior
Most metaphors American
Win lose
Trip
Topic identity relationship process
Using trip what would money in a relationship be
Topic
Process type of goal
To move forward
Independent goals
Each other good goals also seen as goals to collaborate
Clarifying goals
Clear shared reach more
Boss has all power
No
Denial power
I did not say that
Currency
Special skill
What is power
Relationships give you power
Communications skills
Persuasive ability to lesion skill group lead bonds with others
Power balancing
Give to left and right
I statement
Helps in conflict
Passive aggressive
Avoiding
Style
Developing over a life time
**Advantages of using skilled 3rd party
...
**Informal intervention:
(do we need to know what each of these are specifically?)
indirectly asking for help; questions to consider before getting involved; unfair bonding, siding and effects of siding; cautions about informal intervention
**Intervention continuum
degree of control that conflicting parties have over solution
Definition of conflict
A process in which one party perceives that its interests are being opposed or negatively affected by another party.
**Assumptions of conflict
1. Harmony is normal: conflict is abnormal
2. Conflict Constitutes a breakdown of communication
3. Conflicts and disagreements are the same thing
a. A Disagreement is something that can be solved by clarifying
terms and careful listening
b. Conflicts can always be resolved
4. Conflict is the result of a personal pathology( abnormality or malfunction)
5. Never escalate a conflict
6. Conflict management should be polite and orderly
7. Anger is the predominant emotion during conflict
Ad. & Dis. of Adjudication
-strength
1.) power balancing mechanism
2.) provides rules for fairness
3.)
professionals speak
4.) back-up method
5.) objective third party decides (make decision how it will be resolved)
-Weakness
1.) overused, overburdened, & misused process
2.) conflict parties don't make their own decisions (less committed to resolution process)
3.) operates win-lose-basis
4.) cost
Ad. & Dis. of Arbitration
-strength
1.) prevents passive aggressive/impasse
tactics
2.) readily available if probs encounter
3.) applicable to a range of content areas (labor, divorce)
4.) private process (confidential)
5.) parties have a say in the 3rd party (select to some extent --> can't do it in judication
6.) lower cost than judication
7.)less time than judication
-weakness
1.) focusses on content alone
2.) reinforces inability to solve own
3.) reinforces idea that escalation is legitimate tactic
4.) lack of quality
control
5.) potentially win-lose outcome
Ad. & Dis of Mediation
-strength
1.) mutual stake in solutions
2.) integrative & creative solutions
3.) cheaper than adjunction & arbitration
4.) more widely available
-weaknesses
1.) not all conflict parties will agree to mediation
2.) not appropriate for all relationships
3.) lack of skill to presenting own interests makes
uneven
4.) mediation is not worth the effort for small disputes
5.) most aren't legally binding (only if it's court mandated)
Mediation settings
1.) business disputes
2.) domestic disputes
3.) educational settings
4.) community/ neighborhood disputes
5.) the criminal justice system
6.) labor management conflicts
7.) international conflicts
Stages of Mediation
four horsemen
1.) critical startup
2.) defense
3.)stonewalling
4.)contempt
Emotional Intelligence
The capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others for motivating ourselves and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships.
Conflict
An expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from others in achieving their goals
Communication
The central element in all interpersonal conflict
Creates
Communication behavior often ________________conflict
Reflects
Communication behavior r___________________conflict
Vehicle
Communication is the ___________________ for the productive or destructive management of conflict
Triggering event
Expressed struggles are activated by a ______________ __________
Intrapersonal conflict
Internal strain that creates a state of ambivalence, conflicting internal dialogue or lack of resolution in one's thinking and feeling
criticizing, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt.
The four horsemen of destructive conflict
Avoidance spirals
less direct interaction, harboring of resentment or disappointment, decreasing dependence on the other, complaining to third persons about the
Escalatory Spiral
When interaction becomes self-perpetuating and its characteristics are misunderstanding, discord, and destruction, this is called:
Constructive complaint
Using "I" statements and neutral language, and asking for specific behavioral change
Topic, Relationship, Identity/facework, process
4 types of goals
Topic, Relationship, Identity, process
TRIP goals
Topic Goals
Goals that focus on what do we want?
Relational goals
Goals that focus on who we are to each other
Identity goals
Goals that focus on who am I in this interaction
Process goals
Goals that focus on what communication process will be used
prospective goals
goals before interacting
transactive goals
goals during the interaction itself
retrospective goals
goals after the conflict
Designated, distributive, integrative
Three types of power
Designated power
Power given by your position
Distributive Power
Power that comes from your ability to achieve your objective over the resistance of another.
Integrative power
power WITH the other, joining forcess with someone else to achieve mutually acceptable goals.
Constructive use of power
Solves problems, enhances relationships, and balances poer
Either/or power
Distributive power
Power denial
Denying that you communicated something; denying that something was communicated to you; denying that you communicated something to the other person; deny the situation in which is was communicated.
interpersonal power
the ability to influence a relational partner in any context because you control resources that the partner needs, values, desires or fears.
interpersonal linkages
help one attain power thorough coalition formation
expertise currencies
when a person has some special skill or knowledge that someone else values
passive aggressive behavior
refusing to cooperate when other people are depending on you, along with unexpressed anger
distributive power
power emphasizes power over or against the other party, and the key to it is dominance.
Integrative power
Joining forces with someone else to achieve mutually acceptable goals, and focusing on the "both/and" nature of the situation describes ______________ power.
distributive power
either/or or power over
Integrative power
both/and or power with
designated power
power to
Dialogue, Restraint, Focus on interdependence, stay actively engaged
techniques for power balancing
Conflict Syles
Patterned responses or clusters of behavior that people use in conflict
Cooperation and Competition
Two styles of conflict (Deutsch)
collaboration, accommodation, competition, avoidance, compromise
Five Styles of Conflict (Kilmann, Thomas)
Assertiveness, cooperativeness
Two dimensions of conflict
Avoidance
low assertiveness and low cooperativness
Accommodation
high cooperativeness, low assertiveness
Competition
low cooperativeness, high assertiveness
Collaboration
high on both cooperativeness and assertiveness
compromise
Middle ground, moderate degrees of assertiveness and cooperativeness
Avoidance Style
Characterized by denial of the conflict, changing and avoiding topics, being noncommittal and joking rather than dealing with the conflict at hand
Denial, topic management, non-committal remarks, irreverent remarks
Four types of Avoidance Tactics
Direct Denial
Statements that deny that a conflict is present
Implicit denial
statements that imply denial by providing a rationale
Evasive remarks
Failure to acknowledge or deny the presence of a conflict following a statement or inquiry about the conflict
Topic Shifts
Statements that terminate discussion of a conflict issue
Topic avoidance
Statements that explicitely terminate discussion of a conflict issue before it has been fully discussed.
Noncommittal statements
Statements that neither affirm nor deny the presence of conflict and are not evasive replies or topic shifts
Noncommittal questions
Unfocused conflict-irrelevant questions
Abstract remarks
Abstract principles, generalizations, that are not evasive remarks
Procedural remarks
Procedural statments that supplant discussion of the conflict.
postponement
Tactic for deferring conflict
Competition or "power over" style
aggressive and uncooperative behavior-pursuing own goals at the expense of another
Competition style
tries to win without adjusting to the others goals and desires
Advantages of Competitive style
Useful when one has to make a quick decisive action, generates creative ideas, if external goal is more important than the relationship
Disadvantages of competitive style
can harm relationships, reduces conflicts to two options, can encourage covert means, can be harmful if one party is unable or unwilling to deal with conflict in head on manner
Personal criticism, Rejection, hostile imperatives, hostile jokes, hostile questions, presumptive remarks, denial of responsibility
7 types of confrontational remarks
Threats
Most common competitive tactic
two criteria of threat
source must control outcome; threat must be seen as negative
Advantages of compromising
important goals accomplished in less time, appears reasonable to both parties, used as backup method when other styles fail
disadvantages of compromising
easy way out, form of "loss" rather than "win", prevents creative new options, avoidance, requires each side giving something in order to get an agreement
Compromise
intermediate style resulting in some gains and some losses for each party. requires trade offs
Accomodation
setting aside individual concerns in favor of pleasing other involved. Relational goal most important
Collaboration
high level of concern for one's own goals, the goals of others, the solution of the problem and the enhancement of the relationship
Advantages of collaboration
Generates new ideas, shows respect for the other party, gains commitment to the solution from both parties, affirms relationship
disadvantages of collaboration
People who are more verbally skilled than others can use collaboration in manipulative ways
integrative
another term to describe collaborative tactics
to share topic information, get support & understanding, have a sense of belonging, gain power
Why people form coalitions
Designated, distributive, integrative
Three types of power
Designated power
Power given by your position
Distributive Power
Power that comes from your ability to achieve your objective over the resistance of another.
Integrative power
power WITH the other, joining forcess with someone else to achieve mutually acceptable goals.
Constructive use of power
Solves problems, enhances relationships, and balances poer
Either/or power
Distributive power
Power denial
Denying that you communicated something; denying that something was communicated to you; denying that you communicated something to the other person; deny the situation in which is was communicated.
interpersonal power
the ability to influence a relational partner in any context because you control resources that the partner needs, values, desires or fears.
interpersonal linkages
help one attain power thorough coalition formation
expertise currencies
when a person has some special skill or knowledge that someone else values
passive aggressive behavior
refusing to cooperate when other people are depending on you, along with unexpressed anger
distributive power
power emphasizes power over or against the other party, and the key to it is dominance.
Integrative power
Joining forces with someone else to achieve mutually acceptable goals, and focusing on the "both/and" nature of the situation describes ______________ power.
distributive power
either/or or power over
Integrative power
both/and or power with
designated power
power to
Dialogue, Restraint, Focus on interdependence, stay actively engaged
techniques for power balancing
morphogenesis
Behaviors that enable the system to grow, innovate and change
Descriptive Language
No blame perspective
Toxic Triangle
When one person feels a lower level of power and brings in another person to bolster the low-power position
morphostatic
system characterized by moves designed to sustain the status quo or one that maintains conflict by avoiding genuine change
avoid it, tolerate it, attempt to fight fairly or process it
Ways couples react to conflic
Stage 1 conflict
members experience a minimal amount of conflict, openly communicate, and share power
Stage 2 conflict
Members experience significant conflict that they see as causing a problem. Criticism increases.
Stage 3 conflict
Members are in turbulence, experience high intensity, and are moving towards polarization.
Stage 4 conflict
Members have lost the ability to work through their conflict and have engaged the services of a third party. Adversarial and work to enhance their individual bargaining positions.
coalition
When people perceive that they are the low-power person in a conflict, their typical response is to try to form a __________with another person
isolate
one who is out of the loop with others
share topic information, get support and understanding, have sense of belonging and gain power
Why people form coalitions in order to
perscriptive, not evaluative, language
kind of language that rules are stated in
Microevents
repetitive loops of observable interpersonal behaviors....with a redundant outcome