How do Wilmot and Hocker define 'conflict'?
An expressive struggle between at least two interdependent people with incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from achieving specific goal.
What are the five key parts of conflict?
1. Expressed struggle 2. Perceived incompatible goals 3. Perceived scarce resources 4. Interdependence 5. Interference from the other party
Is conflict natural? It is beneficial?
Yes. Conflict can be beneficial if it: brings out problems that need to be resolved, clarifies goals, adds new perspective, eliminates resentment, bring understanding, and produce acceptable solutions.
What are types of conflict?
1) Unreal 2) Real 3) Competitive 4) Interpersonal Violence
What role does perception play in conflict?
During times of high stress, perception is oversimplified and there is an omission of data.
What are some major differences between individuals that may shape their conflicts?
What is confirmation bias?
Tendency to selectively look for information that confirms to our own hypothesis and to overlook information that argues against it.
What is the lesson of the fable "The Rescue Crew"?
- People keep floating downstream
- Rescue Crew sets up a medical tent, medical team, etc.
- Finally a young man runs up the river and tries to solve what's CAUSING the problem.
- Moral: no reason to spend all our energy dealing with disasters. Find out what's causing them to prevent future ones.
1) Stuck in unproductive interdependence (i.e. feelings of rejection)
2) Making no headway
3) Unwilling to compromise/budge
4) Added frustration 5) Discussion lacks humor, amusement, or affection
6) Eventual disengagement emotionally/physically
What are the "Four Horsemen"?
1. Criticism 2. Contempt 3. Defensiveness 4. Stonewalling
Negative affect reciprocates negative affect; tit for tat exchange of negative reaction and comments; very poisonous. Failing to balance negative reactions with at least an equal number of positive reactions.
What is the "Dance of Intimacy"?
One partner initiates conversation; commenting on the lack of closeness, bringing up feelings & issues to be resolved, and asking questions. The "dance" -- other partner minimizes the problems, denies anything is wrong, promises to do better, avoids discussion about the relationship, or gives excuses (i.e. "I've just been really busy"). Conflict remains unresolved because each partner specializes in a role that is so prescribed that issues remain unexplored.
What are objective conflicts?
Consist of actual conflicts in resources that could be recognized by observers. (i.e. genetic interests, territory, mates, food, etc.)
What are subjective conflicts?
Conflicts due to perceptual differences and are often due to the different "lenses" of people.
What is the "Lens Model" of conflict?
Each person has a view of: 1) Oneself 2) The
other(s) 3) The relationship(s)
All together, these perceptual pieces form the elements crucial to conflict(s).
What is attribution theory?
A theory that supposes that one attempts to understand the behavior of others by attributing feelings, beliefs, and intentions to them. Kind of like how scientists try to piece together information until they arrive at a reasonable cause.
What are internal attributions?
Assigning causes of behavior due to personal dispositions, traits, abilities, and feelings. (i.e. he cut me off because he is a jerk
A person's communication is caused by factors unrelated to personal qualities (i.e. she was late NOT because she is a irresponsible, but because of traffic).
What is the actor/observer difference?
The tendency to see others' behavior as internally-caused (internal attributions) and our own behavior as externally-caused (external attributions).
Why does the actor/observer difference exist?
Three possible reasons: 1) Figure/Ground Perception 2) Informational Basis 3) Motivational for Negative Outcomes
What is figure-ground perception?
The figure is the thing being looked at, and the ground is the background against which it stands. Figure has substance and stands out against the background
What is informational basis?
The actor/observer difference occurs because the actors have more information about themselves across different situations, but only see other people in limited situations.
What are self-serving attributions in relation to actor-observer difference?
Tries to maintain one's self-esteem and sense of "just world" for possible uncontrollable negative events.
What role does stress play in conflict?
- Flight or fight syndrome - See less, hear less, miss more cues from environment, make more mistakes - Disrupts perception - Tunnel vision
What are the three major types of “systems” the author's discuss?
1) Avoidant 2) Collaborative 3) Aggressive
What is an avoidant system?
- Conflict does not exist/unrecognizable
- Lack of communication
- Indifferent/walks away from conflict/unresponsive
- Snide/rude comments
- Sulking/silent treatment
What is a collaborative system?
- Discussion of issues
- Good listening skills
- Deal with people directly/openly
- Help is offered to resolve conflict
- Regular interaction
- No snarky remarks/passive aggressiveness
What is an aggressive system?
- Survival of the fittest
- Brutally honest regardless of impact
- Shows emotions strongly, even if it hurts someone
- Audience present when engaging in conflict
- Never backing down
- Fighting back and those who don't are weak
What misconceptions about conflict do Wilmot and Hocker debunk?
What are conflict metaphors?
Reflects and create certain kinds of communication.
What are some examples of conflict metaphors?
Win-Lose metaphors: implies that the outcome is predetermined with little possibility for productive conflict management (i.e. I win, you lose). Neutral/Objective metaphors: represents conflict as neither positive or negative, but as having some potential for a positive outcome. Transformative metaphors: using our imagination to move away from negative perspective and generate opportunity to change the way interactions proceed.
How does gender affect conflict?
Communication differences tradition.
Men: exhibit dominating and competitive behavior. Showing of physical aggressive. Men are the leaders in conversation. Women: exhibit avoidant and
compromising behavior. Women are the listeners in the conversation.
How does culture affect conflict?
Individualistic : acceptable to disagree with others, stand up for self. use of power.
Collectivistic: group/relationship priorities take precedence over individual success (avoidance and accommodation)
What are the components of TRIP?
T: Topic R: Relationship I: Identity/facework P: Process
The 4 main goals that overlap during conflict.
Topic: What do we want?
Relationship: Who are we in relationship to each other during our interaction? How do we treat each other?
Identity: Who am I in this
interaction? (i.e. competent, likable, etc)
Process: What communication process will be used? (i.e. giving each one equal time to talk, voting, etc)
What do the authors mean when they say TRIP goals overlap?
Our goals within a particular setting may overlap. For example, dispute over a grade (topic), but also want to be treated well by the professor (relational), and want the professor to think you tried hard (the identity).
What is the lesson of the story "The Bad Grade"?
The girl's goals changed. At first she wanted the professor to apologize, but when she actually talked to him, she asked him to check her essay again for a reevaluation. Goals can evolve over a period of time.
What are the four major styles of communication and their characteristics?
- Nonassertion
- Direct Aggression
- Passive Aggression
- Assertive Communication
What does Tremblay's research suggest about aggression?
- Children do not need to observe models of physical aggression to initiate the use of physical aggression.
- Infants appear to use physical aggression spontaneously to achieve their goals when angry.
- More about children learning not to use physical aggression through various forms of interaction with their environment.
How does evolutionary theory help us understand aggression?
Suggests that people are neither good or bad. They are born with evolved psychological modules that were selected by evolutionary forces b/c these modules helped solve adaptive problems of their ancestors. Such modules include those underlying the use of aggressive tactics.
What techniques help facilitate assertive communication?
Empathy, open-ended questions, information sharing, reflection, active listening, silence, culturally sensitive communication
What are three basic "camps" when it comes to defining power, according to Wilmot and Hocker?
1. Designated (power given by your position) 2. Distributive (either/or power, ability to achieve your objective over the resistance of another) 3. Integrative (both/and power, joining forces with someone else to achieve mutually acceptable goals)
What orientations to power are presented by Wilmot and Hocker?
When a dispute occurs between two people, they often talk about power, and their perspective will predispose them to engage in certain communicative moves. People feel passionately about power - who has it, who ought to have more or less, how people misuse power, and how justified they feel in trying to gain more power for themselves.
What is being illustrated by the case of Lynn and Daniel?
Power struggle. Lynn feels she has none as she always has to consult her husband for money spending involving family trips, vacation, etc. Daniel feels this is fair since he makes most of the income and believes Lynn should ask his permission first. Lynn feels she doesn't have any power in the relationship, despite how much she love the kids.
What is a relational theory of power?
Power is a property of the social relationship rather than a quality of the individual. Power is not owned by an individual but is a product of the communication relationship, in which certain qualities become important and valuable to others (i.e. Lynn suggests going on a backpacking trip and her friends all clear their calendars, not because she has power, but because she is well-liked)
What are the components of RICE?
Resource control: One's formal position in an org/group (i.e. parents control money, freedom, cars, privacy) Interpersonal linkages: Your position in the larger system (i.e. you are often the mediator) Communication skills: Conversational skills, persuasive ability, etc. Expertise: Special knowledge, skills, and talent.
What techniques for balancing power are described by Wilmot and Hocker?
Dialogue: speaking to the other with a positive tone, listen, reflect feelings, clarify, and question when needed. Restraint: Higher-power parties can limit their power by refusing to use all the currencies they have at their disposal (i.e. invading another country) Focus on Interdependence: Power as a group. Each conflict is dependent on the other, and not on individual needs. Staying calm, actively engaged.
What are "conflict styles"?
Patterned responses, or clusters of behavior, that people use in conflict.
What are the major types of conflict styles?
- Competition
- Avoidance
- Accommodation
- Compromise
- Collaboration
What are the characteristics of the various conflict styles?
Competition: high concern for oneself, low concern for others. Avoidance: little concern either person's interests, maintaining the peace. Accommodation: neglects one's own interests Compromise: involves some concern with both sides Collaboration: high concern for both interests
What do Wilmot and Hocker reveal about violence?
Consists of any verbal or physical strategy that attempts to convince, control, or compel others to your point of view.
What are some theories for how violence can be explained?
1. Past history of violence 2. Elements of patriarchal culture that insists the man is always right. Asymmetric power structures. 3. Violence is the result of lack of communication skills in a situation of powerlessness. Way of combatting- a last resort.
What are the seven "systematic assertive skills" discussed (and demonstrated) in class?
Broken record, fogging, negative inquiry, workable compromise, sorting issues, disarming anger, and selective ignoring.
What the two types of marital problems?
1. Perpetual Conflicts: recurring issues that come up time and again because of a fundamental underlying conflict of issues fueling dispute. 2. Solvable Conflicts: a particular dilemma or situation that does not involve a fundamental underlying conflict or issue fueling dispute.
What is the "magic ratio"?
A minimum of 5 positive behaviors to 1 negative behavior. Demonstrates stability of relationship.
What are the key predictors of divorce, according to Gottman?
The Four Horsemen 1. Criticism: more global, negative words towards partner's character vs. behavior/action 2. Contempt: Conveys disgust, sarcasm, name-calling, the worst of the four. 3. Defensiveness: blaming your partner, lack of acknowledgment. 4. Stonewalling: Mental/physical disengagement, results from combination of criticism, contempt, and defensiveness. More common in men.
What are Gottman's seven principles for successful relationships?
1. Enhance your love map 2. Nurture your fondness and admiration 3. Turn toward each other vs away from. 4. Let your partner influence you. 5. Solve your solvable problems. 6. Overcome Gridlock 7. Create shared meaning
What are the two types of love?
Passionate love and Companionate love
How does passionate love unfold?
Intense emotional/physical longing with another, driven by idealization of partner. Not very stable. Passion diminishes over time.
How does companionate love unfold?
Starts slowly - over time has high intimacy and commitment. Mutual understanding and caring. Love grows.
- Study of wife and husband making small talk
- Observing for couples turning toward each other (i.e. encourages mental stroking, though they have heard the story numerous times)
- Those who turn toward each other vs away have happier, more successful marriages.
What are the major solvable problems Gottman discusses?
1. Soften your startup 2. Learn to make and receive repair attempts 3. Soothe yourself and each other 4. Compromise 5. Be tolerant of each other's faults
What are "feeling words"?
Words that describe how you/someone might feel. Examples, affectionate, angry, beautiful, calm, excited, hopeless, incompetent, etc. Helps to figure out emotions.
What ideas do Wilmot and Hocker present in order to help better define emotions as a concept?
Emotions are a state of feeling. Emotions are like moving water. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they simply exist.
What functions do emotions serve?
Darwin argued that emotions developed over time to help humans solve problems. Emotions help us engage in actions that are important for survival. Can promote action toward achieving a goal. Affects motivation, coping, regulation of other emotions, development of emotion-behavior patterns.
What
is the "Zone of Effectiveness"?
Area in between lowest and highest amount of conflict intensity - ideal to work in the middle range since both parties are engaged, but not overly so to cause more conflict.
How do we get to the Zone of Effectiveness, according to Wilmot and Hocker?
1. Warrior of the heart: You can't avoid the problem, so you must deal with it, but learning how to deal with it skillfully is key (i.e. martial arts). Need awareness and compassion. 2. Work with emotions: express anger responsibly (i.e. I am angry, no attacking, when you do X, in situation Y, I feel Z, etc.) 3. Keep emotions moderate.
What is illustrated by the story entitled "It's Not Yours to Loan"?
- Jackie and Tom agree to save the $50,000 for a down payment on home. Jackie lends her parents $20,000 without letting Tom know.
- Tom and Jackie have a huge fight. Counselor tells them to write their reflections into a journal. Instead of writing "hot thoughts", thoughts that trigger our emotional charges. Both instead are honest with themselves --> enable them to be honest with each other -> solve problems.
What insights from systems theory can be applied when trying to understand systemic conflict?
Wholeness: we must look at the entire system, not just a collection of individual behaviors. Organization: Important the the individuals function as a unit. What is the overall picture? Patterning: What patterns are connected? What functions do these patterns serve?
What is a "Conflict Triangle"?
Conflicting parties involve a 3rd person instead of dealing directly with each other (i.e. you tell so and so...) When people perceive that they are the low-power person in a conflict, their typical response is to try to form a coalition with another person.
What is a "coalition", and how does it function?
Forms when some are closer to each other than they are to others. When someone is in a coalition, they include select people in the information flow and not others. Coalitions share topic information, get support/understanding, sense of belonging, and gain power.
What are "interaction rules"?
Describes the underlying communication structure of the interaction. They are "the way things are done" in a family, a business, a department, or a group of friends. A followable prescription that indicates what behavior is obligated, preferred, or prohibited in certain contexts.
Repetitive loops of observable interpersonal behaviors with a redundant outcome. Similar to rules, but they are descriptive of behavior, not prescriptive. Example: Every time the husband taped his right foot during an argument with his wife, one of the children would slap a sibling so that the husband-wife dispute was never resolved.
What are two assessment guides presented by Wilmot and Hocker?
1. Conflict Assessment Guide 2. Difficult Conversations Guide
Conflict Assessment Guide
1. Nature of the conflict, 2. Orientation to the Conflict, 3. Interest and Goals, 4. Power, 5. Styles, 6. Conflict and emotions, 7. Mapping interactions and overall patterns, 8. Attempted solutions, 9. Negotiation, 10. Forgiveness and Reconciliation.
Difficult Conversations guide
1. What happened? 2. What is my story? 3. What is the others story 4. The feeling conversation: My story? 5. The feelings conversation: The others story? 6. The identity conversation